I never really have any idea what Nancy is talking about, but she said "boobies" so I'm on board.

Is it Gawna?

Gawna, do you want my attention?

Strakeln wrote on Feb 2^nd, 2012 at 12:15am:


You are posting like Nancy. I wasn people to go back to posting in a way I understand. I don't care if I am forced to hunt you down and make an example of you, I just want to know what is going on.

I don't honestly think that it's that bad.  I think it's stupid that Strakeln thinks that there's something that I'm not 'owning up to,' but it's not like any of those consequences are really all that bad anyway.  It's an interesting element of posting, especially given that there's actually a chance of positive effects, to boot. 

Capriciousness with a random chart is at least a little better than capriciousness born out of a bunch of shitty rando ass-suckers getting moderator status, at least. 

stainer wrote on Feb 2^nd, 2012 at 12:19am:

Nancy said someone wanted my attention.  I think she's right but I just can't seem to figure out who.

Do you know who?

Strakeln wrote on Feb 2^nd, 2012 at 12:21am:


I would go with Nancy wants your attention. I know how to get your attention. I can type titty or gun. Either one works with you.

Quote:


Um no. You do not want to see me go ITG on Strake, I will make that piece of shit pussy stuff his own pair of balls in his metaphoric sandgina.

JDollar wrote on Feb 2^nd, 2012 at 12:23am:

Aww, muffin, you can have the carpool lane all to yourself. 

Quote:


I don't think stainer has the patience to switch back and forth between accounts to troll himself.  Only a select few can take it to that level.  But you're obviously having fun, so go with it girl.  I hear he likes box wine and banjos.

Got it.  Do not question Judge Dread or he'll convict you and set up a court system later to try and justify it.  Thanks for clearing it up.

Strakeln wrote on Feb 2^nd, 2012 at 12:32am:


I already got my pony so it can't be me.

Also, I ran into this today and it seems relevant to the thread.  Best April Fools Dragon Magazine Issue Ever!

How To Use The Wandering Damage System

First there was the wandering monster. They serve well when applied in hordes, but why not cut out the middleman and just deal out damage to the characters directly? It makes for a smoother, faster-paced game, and if you want to kill off characters quickly, it can only be beaten by divine intervention by Cthulhoid godlings.

Instructions: Whenever a player annoys you in any way, by wearing tasteless clothes or eating the last corn chip, ask him to roll a d20. He may become worried that he's rolling a saving throw. Ha, ha!!! Little does he know that he just rolled on the Wandering Damage System matrix!!! Repeat the roll as often as desired.

The Wandering Damage System Matrix

Roll              Result
1              Your character has fallen down a flight of stairs; roll his dexterity or less on percentile dice, or else consult Limb Loss Subtable.
2              The monster your character just killed gets up and attacks him, doing 8-80 points of damage.
3              Your character smells smoke; his right arm is on fire. Take 14 points of damage and save vs. gangrene.
4              Your character cuts himself while shaving; consult Limb Loss Subtable.
5              Your character's nose hairs catch fire and he dies of smoke inhalation.
6              Your character stumbles backward into a yawning chasm and disappears from view.
7              The next time your character says something, he eats his words, chokes on them, and dies.
8              Something cuts your character's nose off, doing 2-12 points damage and really messing up his charisma.
9              Your character steps on a piece of glass; consult Limb Loss Subtable.
10              Your character suddenly catches a severe case of brain death.
11              Something invisible chews on your character, doing 6-36 points damage.
12              Your character develops an incredibly severe case of arthritis and can grasp nothing with his hands; he drops anything he's holding - and if that happened to be a sword or an axe, consult the Limb Loss Subtable.
13-20              Consult the Random Damage Subtable for no reason whatsoever.

Limb Loss Subtable (roll d6)

1 - Left leg gone
2 - Right leg gone
3 - Left arm gone
4 - Right arm gone
5 - Head gone
6 - Torso cut in half

Random Damage Subtable

Dice roll              Result
01-05              Take 10 hit points damage.
06-10              Take 15 hit points damage.
11-20              Take 30 hit points damage.
21-25              Take 10 hit points damage and consult Limb Loss Subtable, modifying die roll by +5.
26-30              Take 10 hit points damage and roll again on Wandering Damage System Matrix.
31-35              Take 15 hit points damage and then take 30 more.
36-40              Roll every die you own for damage.
41-45              Take 17 hit points damage.
46-50              Take 42 hit points damage.
51-55              Multiply your character's age by 5. Take three times that much damage.
56-60              Take 24 hit points damage and then take 31 more.
61-65              Take 1,000 hit points damage and roll again.
66-70              Roll every die within 30 feet for damage.
71-73              Add up the total hit points of everyone in the party. Take that much damage.
74-75              Take 3 hit points damage and consider yourself very lucky - for the time being.
76-00              What? You didn't get hurt? That's impossible - this system is foolproof. Roll again.

wat?