Strakeln wrote on Feb 1
st, 2012 at 10:37pm:
JakLee will be the bailiff. He's got a stun gun and everything.
Dibs on defense counsel! My qualifications:
(1) I will appear late and be drunk.
(2) I will use only alibi as a defense, paying witnesses with TP to establish that at the time of the alleged offsense, the accused was buying plat from Chinese child labor in the harbor and so couldn't possibily have been posting in the Vault.
(3) *Think* about it, if they are represented by counsel, they can't speak in their own defense and have to go through me. Me, who, as Stainer teaches, is utterly incomprehensible. Sweet, huh?
(4) I get that this is supposed to be amusing, and that there are several assholes here who are rather obviously annoyed/jealous that Oak is up to bat and not them, certain that they are that they are MUCH worse. What makes this sweet is Oak's doubtfulness that he wants this type of attention. So I will not be upset, on no, not the least bit troubled, when my client inevitably loses. For he does not yet understand that is an honor that you should deign to pick upon him.
(5) I will use the word "boobies' liberally since that seems to temporarily sooth the savage beasts about here.
(6) I think objections just slow everything down and annoy the jury, so the prosecutor will pretty much have free license in court.
(7) Should Stainer go on trial, which I don't think he should because he is, at the end of the day, often funny, I must decline to represent him based on a conflict of interest. Which is, you see, that I am him, my account is a dummy account and I am just Stainer trolling myself. And a lawyer who has himself/herself for a client is a fool.
(8) I could passive-aggressively make this point even longer, but this no one doubts.